Beer Humor - Brew Fun and beer trivia

Beer Humor - Facts, Fun, Nonsense

Amber Humor	Cold Facts	Frothy Fun
Beer Prayer Beer Troubleshooting Top Ten lists Drink for a Better Nation	Beer: What is it? Brewing: How it's made History: Significant events	Photos: Beer & Babes Don't spill my beer!

Amber Humor

Cold Facts

Frothy Fun

Beer Prayer
Beer Troubleshooting
Top Ten lists
Drink for a Better Nation

Beer: What is it?

Brewing: How it's made

History: Significant events

Photos: Beer & Babes

Don't spill my beer!

THE BEER PRAYER

Our Lager, which art in barrels, hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk?), at home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head, and forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
And lead us not to incarceration, but deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the Beer, the Bitter and the Lager,
Forever and ever. Barmen.

Ray in his "Beer Room".

The following is from Encarta Encyclopedia:

Beer ---term for fermented alcoholic beverages made from cereal grains that have been converted to malt. Beer may be brewed from several kinds of high-starch grains. Thus, in the United States, beer is generally made from malted barley, with corn, rice, or sugar added as a malt adjunct, and hops used for flavoring. In Japan, beer (called sake) is brewed from rice. African tribes make beer from grains native to their regions, such as teff, millet, or grass seeds. Russians use rye bread to prepare their beer, called quass or kvass.

Brewing ---British, European, and American beers differ markedly in flavor and content, but are brewed similarly. In the U.S., where the word beer is generally understood to mean lager beer (beer stored for a time before being sold), the beverage contains on the average 90 percent water, 3.5 percent alcohol by weight, 0.5 percent carbon dioxide, and 6 percent extractives consisting of proteins, carbohydrates, minerals, and aromatic flavorings. It is produced by bottom-fermenting yeasts, that is, yeasts that settle to the bottom, act slowly, and develop the brew at relatively low temperatures.

Bock beer, high in flavor and alcoholic content, is brewed during the winter for consumption in the spring. In certain localities the composition of the water is especially favorable for producing a distinctive type of beer. Such brews are frequently named for their cities of origin, for example, Munich, Pilsener, or Milwaukee beer.!
/ / / TOP / / /

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History ---Beer has always been a popular beverage because it does not deteriorate during long periods of storage and is adaptable to all climates. With various names and in many forms it has been produced from the earliest times. It was made in ancient Mesopotamia, Egypt, and Greece. At first brewed in the home or in monasteries, beer had become a commercial product in Europe by the late Middle Ages. In modern times it is a staple large-scale manufacture in almost all industrialized countries, especially in Great Britain, Germany, the Czech Republic, and the United States.

In the New World, the art of brewing was practiced by the Native Americans before the arrival of Christopher Columbus. The first Europeans to brew beer in America were the Virginia colonists of 1587. Manufacture of beer was encouraged in early colonial laws in America as a means of reducing the consumption of stronger alcoholic beverages. This traditional policy was generally followed in the laws of the various states and the federal government until World War I. Under wartime restrictions the brewing of beer was first limited and then prohibited. Beer containing more than 0.5 percent alcohol was included in the prohibition of intoxicating beverages by legislation under the 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Congress legalized beer containing 3.5 percent alcohol in March 1933, and eight months later the Prohibition amendment was repealed by the 21st Amendment.

Prohibition: The Feds destroying cases of beer.

Laws of the individual states regulate the manufacture, distribution, and sale of beer within their jurisdictions and provide for the licensing of brewers, distributors, and retailers. Direct taxes are levied on beer by all states and the federal government. / / / TOP / / /

Inexpensive books on beer:
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Humor:

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar. / / / TOP / / /

Got beer?

**Do you have a cute photo featuring a toddler with a beer bottle or can?**

Submit to Beer Babes and make the kid a star! / / / TOP / / /

Madison grabs a beer for Daddy

Humor: Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't:

10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't:
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't:

10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge.
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good.
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?

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Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't:

10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag.
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid.
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in the office but isn't:
1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there. / / / TOP / / /

From the news wire:

Don't Spill My Beer!!!
GOLDEN, COLORADO (August 2000)--- An employee of Coors Brewing Co. flipped the wrong switch and sent 77,500 gallons of beer into a creek, killing thousands of fish and prompting health warnings. The beer, which was in fermenting tanks, washed through a wastewater-treatment plant before ending up in Clear Creek on Friday, said Coors spokeswoman Aimee St. Clair. The fish likely suffocated from the alcohol - among other things - produced in the tanks. "Somebody made a mistake," she said. Officials with the state Division of Wildlife could not give a precise number of fish killed but estimated it was thousands.
---What a way to go! / / / TOP / / /

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Drink for a Better Nation!

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years.

It is a fact that some people still need alcohol abuse treatment, unlike some who do imbibe alcohol but at a more moderate and responsible rate.

So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge, we must not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint. Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have. Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be. Alert all of your friends, acquaintances and coworkers that may be in danger of losing their edge.
What more can we do??
Raise your mugs with me and drink!! / / / TOP / / /

Grizzly Beer promotional display.

Beer Library - shelves of empty beer bottles are colorful & fun.

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